You know what pisses me off…

Back from the dead? Technically, no. Let’s just say we’re trying to resuscitate our half-baked idea of owning a blog.

So I decided to make a list of things that really “grind my gears”. By no means should this be taken to heart, it’s more or less my satirical view on things that bother me. I would just like to be clear that most of my squabbles come from the city I currently reside, Toronto. Enjoy, and you’re welcome.

1. Public transportation
The TTC to be more specific.

I put this at the top of the list because, God how I hate it so. First of all let me list the benefits. Well it is eco-friendly and errmm … it beats walking I guess. Yes, those are the only benefits I can think up. Sure if you don’t have a car or any other means I guess that’s your only option, but that’s one fucked up option.

For starters, the routes, or lack there of. A city as LARGE as Toronto should have a suffice amount of routes to accommodate the population. Sure there are numerous bus routes and streetcar lines, but fuck only two subway lines? (I am fully aware of the blue and purple lines but I consider those to be handicapped lines seeing how they merely are extensions.) Seriously two fucking lines now that’s fucked up. Tokyo and London have a fuckload of lines, I’m not saying copy them, but damn copy them. Not to mention that since there are only two lines and a shitload of passengers, imagine the congestion.

Which brings me to the second problem I have with public transportation. Now I understand that sure there are peak times where it’s pretty much like herding cattle, but surely there are ways to ease the build up. Hmmm perhaps more vehicles? I know I’m picking on the subway lines but it’s such an easy target. Why does it seem that during those peak times that somehow the trains are always slow, so slow that the platforms always get packed before another train arrives? Are they trying to test human patience? Cause I always find myself waiting for another train rather then cramming into an already full train car. Also, not so much a flaw with the TTC but more with passengers. If you see a car that’s full don’t try and ram yourself in, I mean at least have the courtesy to gauge the space available first before trying to cram your way inside. Oh and saying “excuse me” or “I’m sorry” doesn’t hurt, I mean it’s the least you can do for rubbing up your junk against me. Another thing, if you have a backpack on, take the fucking thing off, it creates so much more room and plus you won’t look like a moron hitting everyone as you try to pivot and maneuver your way out. That’s enough passenger basing for now, as for streetcars I haven’t taken a ride on one for the longest time so I won’t talk about them. Buses however are something else. What the fuck is up with those unscheduled breaks? You know what I mean. Those stops where the bus driver just stops and waits for what seems like an eternity without ever saying a word to the passengers. Seriously say something! That’s just fucked up. I don’t recall paying the fare for us to be stopped indefinitely.

Oh the fare, the last thing that pisses me off the most about the TTC. It seems that it just gets higher and higher every year. What the fuck is that? I mean what am I paying for? It seems like $2.75 gets me let’s see, a one way trip, a very limited collection of routes, unexplained stops, and unwarranted assaults. Fuck at least use the money to put more vehicles out there.To be honest, I think I much rather say FUCK YOU! to mother earth and keep my $2.75 and drive a gas guzzling behemoth of a car. Oh and another thing what’s the deal with the “request stops” being for women only? Seriously just because I’m a dude doesn’t mean there isn’t the slight chance of me being gang-raped and mutilated by sick fuckers. So in any case, I’ll stick to my car where the only way I can die is in a heaping pile of smoldering wreckage.

That was a long first point, but there was no way I was going to shorten it. It had to be said. However the following points should be less of novel and more of a mini-rant.

2. TNA
Yes the clothing line.

If you know me then you know how much I despise TNA. Everything about it just bothers me. Well if someone didn’t tell me what TNA actually stood for, then I would have thought that it stood for what any logical person would: Tits and Ass. But apparently it stands for “THE NATIONAL ANTHEM”. Seriously. Jesus Christ how could I not think that this clothing line, which was designed to clearly highlight the tits and the ass, was actually in a way being patriotic. Are you fucking kidding me? “Well having a problem with the name doesn’t justify you hating the brand so much.” Fuck you bitch it gets better, not only does the name insult everyone’s intelligence, (seriously you would have to be fully retarded to believe anything other than that TNA stood for tits and ass) everyone fucking wears it. I MEAN EVERYONE! What’s even worse is that it seems like it doesn’t even bother them. At least that’s what it looks like. Even though most women don’t want to admit it, I know deep down inside they hate it when someone else is wearing the same thing as them. I mean even I hate it if I see someone wearing the same sneakers as me. But yet they still continue to buy this shit. I mean are you so devoid of reality that you really think you’ll be the only one sporting it? “At least I was the first one to wear it.” Fuck that, you still look like that chick sitting next to you on the bus. I never quite understood how this line got so popular and frankly I don’t want to know, I think it’ll make my head explode. In a world where being an individual matters it seems that the tagline for this brand should be “Fuck being an individual, look like every other chick while being patriotic!”

Now I know that this may have come off a bit harsh but let’s be clear: I don’t hate people that wear TNA, I mean I would have to get to know you before I can say that I hate you. Maybe it’s just me but I’d like to think that everyone (women in this case) can come up with better style.

3. Ugg boots

Yes those boots. Funny thing is I share that same hate towards TNA as I do with those boots. The reasons are very similar. Oddly enough it seems TNA and Uggs go hand-in-hand. Can’t wear one without the other. To be honest, Uggs may just be the most ugliest kind of footwear I have ever seen. And I would suggest that you not look at them, matter of fact you probably should avoid any contact with them. But that’s impossible. “Impossible is nothing”. Fuck you Adidas, in this case it’s fucking impossible. Just like TNA, it’s everywhere. Even men wear it! Now that’s just ridiculous. I’m convinced that Uggs is short for “motherfucking ugly”.

I truly hate those boots. There is no reason to buy those atrocities. You might as well wear stained paper bags on your feet, at least those would be more stylish.

4. Wearing sunglasses indoors or at night

Seriously what the fuck is up with this trend? Do you really hate being able to see? Or do you just prefer having your vision compromised? My apologies for thinking that sunglasses should be only worn when the sun is out. The whole inclusion of the word SUN just threw me off guard. “But it makes me look cool and mysterious”. No it makes you look like an ass in dire need of attention. So please take off those shades before you walk into a wall.

Wearing sunglasses when there’s no sun just defies any and all logic. I mean would you wear snowpants when there isn’t any snow? Besides looking totally awesome rocking snowpants in July, it’s just not practical or logical for that matter.

5. AXE
Yup that retarded stench of a “body-spray”.

Do people actually believe that the scent that comes out those bottles is any way pleasant? It smells like the sweat of a cheap person. You know what? If you wear this as cologne then you are cheap. Fuck the scent is terrible and those commercials of how all the ladies will chase you, God those are just plain retarded. Biggest case of bullshit-in-a-can, ever. I actually did a test (no I didn’t) and sprayed a dog, and lo-and-behold there were no line-ups of ladies ready to experiment in bestiality. But the dog died though, probably from the traumatic experience of not seeing the ladies flock around him. Honestly, I’m pretty sure the cause of death was most likely from the scent and more so from me emptying an entire can on it. AXE Body Spray: for cheap motherfuckers!

I think I should mention that no animals were harmed in making this rant. Also AXE sucks plain and simple. Strapped for cash? Use a pine tree car-air-freshener, it’s a heck of a lot cheaper and you’ll smell like nature. Chicks dig nature.

6. Taxi drivers

Now I know it’s your living, and that you’re just trying earn your wage, but fuck do you have to drive like a madman hopped up on goofballs with the cops chasing after you while your pants are on fire? (Quite an image right?) Holy shit man I gotta get places too but fuck you don’t see me pull up beside you on the next lane at every red light just to beat you. I mean I make it my personal duty to fucking screw you over if you do do that. You chose that lane, yes that lane with the parked cars that can be seen from a mile away and the only way to bypass them is to merge. So fuck you and get in line. That’s pretty much the equivalent of you cutting in line at the washroom. You’re lucky I don’t throw my shoes at you, otherwise *BOOM* Converse right on the face motherfucker!

Now I’ve been driving for quite some time, so I know what taxi drivers are like, most of the time I don’t even bother with them. It’s really not worth the hassle, so I just let them pass.

7. Supporting your city
Their Sports’ franchises to be more specific.

I don’t recall ever signing anything that said if you live in a city you have to support their teams. So fucking leave me alone if I want to hate on them. This focuses more on the Raptors as I don’t like baseball or hockey. Geez if I want to say that they suck ox testicles let me do it, don’t lecture me on how they’re going to get better. I didn’t ask for that. Plus don’t give me that bullshit on how “since you live here, in the city, you should at least support their teams.” Fuck that, if I were to use that kind of reasoning and if I lived in Germany during WWII then I would have to be in support of the Nazis. And yes I am comparing support of sport franchises to the support of the Nazis.

In no way am I in support of the Nazis. And I still think the Raptors suck.

8. Movies based on cartoons or video games
Seriously they all come out like shit.

Well since the Chun-Li movie is slated to release today it’s fitting to discuss how I hate how Hollywood butchers video-game or cartoon movie adaptions. For fuck’s sake they are destroying all the cartoons and games I loved as a child. Jesus Christ do we need another Street Fighter movie? Didn’t we suffer from Van-Damme, who oddly enough played Guile the All-American G.I. Joe fighter when he himself has a heavy accent which relates to only deaf people being able to understand him when he speaks. There is no doubt in my mind that this new movie will equal in suckage seeing how Kristin Kreuk is playing Chun-Li. “I mean her acting is phenomenal! So what the fuck, give her a full-length film.” Seriously are they even thinking when they cast actors? Don’t get me started on the Dragonball film cause that shit should just be destroyed. That fuckfest doesn’t even give Master Roshi a Shell or Bulma blue/green hair. That’s fucked up.

On a positive note I did like the first Mortal Kombat movie. They fucked up hard on the sequel though.

9. The Hills and any other show like it
Hmmm this should be higher up on the list…

God this show is the epitome of everything wrong in the world. What’s even worse is that it has a dedicated fan-base. And by dedicated I mean fucktards (I just made that word up) who discuss what happened on a scripted “reality” show. Yes MTV has an after-show where people share their feelings (Yes I know, it hurts my brain too, trying to fathom the idea of people gathering around to share their feelings about a fucking show, let alone a horrendous one) about the episode that just aired. Fuck don’t you have lives? Families? Friends? God I hope you have a hobby? Possible drug addiction? Anything?!!? Jesus fucking Christ, anything is better than sitting through that garbage of a show. And to think people are actually sitting at home watching other people sit and talk about something they saw literally five minutes ago. WHAT THE FUCK? Another terrible thing is that it has it’s share of spin-offs all equally pointless and equally trivial.

It’s just bad, I would rather die a slow agonizing death only to come back and die that same death than sit through an episode of this piece of hogshit of a show.

10. Saying No
It’s never enough.

Saying no should be enough don’t you think? I mean it’s clear-cut, no shades of grey, just black and white. No need to reason or question. The decision has been made, so why try? I don’t know why people do it, but when someone says “no” it seems like they feel the need to try and convince them otherwise. No is a pretty strong statement in itself but somehow it’s never enough. I mean don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all the effort, I really do, but you’re fighting a losing battle. And I think that I should mention that if someone says “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” it almost always means no. They’re just waiting for the most opportune time to tell, which being the time they’ll incur the least amount of flack for saying no, either that or they actually will think about it (this never happens). Personally I never say YES unless I am 100% sure, I rarely say it, mainly because I hate making decisions on the spot. Just as well, if I say yes it means my mind is made up.

Yes and No, if it’s not one it’s clearly the other. Plain and simple.

I hoped you enjoyed the list. There are a few that I left out, but I might make another batch in the future. For now these 10 should suffice, plus sitting and typing this long made me feel like I had a purpose. That’s never good.